"Anxiety is a feeling of uneasiness and worry, usually generalized and unfocused as an overreaction to a situation that is only subjectively seen as menacing.[4] It is often accompanied by muscular tension,[3] restlessness, fatigue and problems in concentration. Anxiety can be appropriate, but when experienced regularly the individual may suffer from an anxiety disorder.[3]" Wikipedia
It is nearing the end of my probationary period in work. I have experienced the last few months at times with difficulty,
as the work load is large and it is extremely busy, all of the time. I have been anxious at times, and there are moments
where I feel like I could just walk out the door. On the whole I believe that I am doing ok, although no one has said, they
only mention when I don't complete a task effectively enough, now it stands to reason that if I am busy, by association
they are busy also, really there is no time for errors.
Now who am I in this environment? I am used to being busy, and generally I am happy when it is busy, because I get
into a groove, and usually I am more productive when the work is flowing. But today I was sweating, and felt very uptight
in my body, and I have realised that this is quite a common way of being for me, a common 'state of mind'
Anxiety is a negative word as I see it,
Anx I ety
Anxious
Angst
Self forgiveness on Anxiety
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a state of anxiety, expecting the worst.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that I will make mistakes and within this be surprised
when I don't.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief within and as me that I am going to be reprimanded
by my manager for doing something wrong.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bounce from the polarity of feeling positive, by talking myself
up, to then sinking into a depression of not being good enough, without seeing realising and understanding how I am
creating a polarity play-out in my reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief within and as me that I am the only one
that makes mistakes.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my back chat within me to be negative in nature.
I forgive myself that
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live the word anxiety as a state of mind, as who I am, in
paranoia of the future moments coming my way.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow physical discomfort in my body in the form
of sweating and being uptight.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as buzzing/fizzing inside of myself in a form
of stress and tension, and within this I forgive myself that I haven't seen/realised and understood that I'am putting myself
into a state of preparedness, expecting the worst.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put myself in the others shoes and within this see how they would
be annoyed with me, because I have fucked up.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief within and as me, without seeing/realising and
understanding that perhaps the instructions from the other were not completely clear, and within this I missed a point
or two. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to step up and ask for more clarification, for fear or
looking stupid, as I have created in my minds eye.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself that I am useless and within this put myself into
a state of anxiety, and worry about how I am seen by others, specifically in the working environment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become paranoid that others are talking about me behind my
back.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to re-live the memory as a state of being-ness of being the odd
one out, or the one that is not as good as others at understanding simple instructions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be hard on myself, and within this punish myself with back chat
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create consequence within and as my physical body as anxiety
and nervousness, as a point of anxiety.
I see/realise and understand how I am making my job harder for the most part, because I am in a state of anxiety.
When and as I experience myself as stressed and going into a form of anxiety - I stop immediately and I breathe and I
remind myself to slowdown within and as the breath. I commit myself to keep flagging these moments that come up within
and as me - often times as a physical symptom of my state of mind. I commit myself to see that by state of mind, I mean
a pattern of behaviour that has become a living pattern as anxiety, where I don't automatically see it in my words and
back chat, because I have allowed it to be so much a part of me, that it is missed as a normal condition to be in. However,
I commit myself to let my body by my guide, and my flag point of when the anxiety is within and as me, and my allow
my body to show me , by really paying attention to that which exists as anxiety manifest as a physical tension, as sweating
or being tight and tense within and as me. I commit myself to, at this point, stop and breathe and forgive that which is
coming up.
I commit myself to give myself more credit and stop being so negative to and towards myself as someone that is not as good
as others, and to remind myself that sometimes mistakes are not all my fault alone, and that at times there is a break
down in communication, and within this my responsibility is to be clear within and as myself when I am communicating
with others.
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