Day 9 - Finding the SPACE in PACE - Becoming Productive.

pace1
peɪs/
noun
1.
a single step taken when walking or running.
"Kirov stepped back a pace"
synonyms: step, stride, footstep
"he stepped back a pace"
2.
speed in walking, running, or moving.
"he's an aggressive player with plenty of pace"
synonyms: speed, rate, swiftness, quickness, rapidity, velocity, tempo, momentum; More
verb
1.
walk at a steady speed, especially without a particular destination and as an expression of anxiety or annoyance.
"we paced up and down in exasperation"
synonyms: walk, stride, tread, march, pound, patrol, walk up and down, walk back and forth, cross, traverse
"she paced up and down"
2.
move or develop (something) at a particular rate or speed.
"the action is paced to the beat of a perky march"


Interestingly when I look at the word PACE, I see a hurried movement, but I also see an organised and balanced experience of the word.

Moving at a steady PACE = Balanced and Uniform.

I use my breath to slow myself down and PACE myself, and within this I create more SPACE for myself as a form of being able to get more done, as all my moments are effective within this PACE.

I have seen how I have my own pace, and how if I move moment by moment in my own movement, of my own pace I am able to get more done.

When I stop my mind as thoughts about what I have to do, and instead look at what is here practically to be faced in my day, and approach it moment by moment, my movement is much more effective. Because I am making use of every second, instead of going around like a headless chicken in a spin, complaining about what I have to do and wasting energy.

I commit myself to keep slowing myself down within and as the breath, to stop stressing myself out and look at what is here realistically and within this the time that I have available to me. I commit myself to see the value in prioritising, and not rushing to get everything done in the quickest time possible.

I see/realise and understand that when I slow myself down, I am able to cope better; that within this coping I am able to achieve more, and not put my body into a state of stress.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put strain and tension on my physical body as a form of stress, because I am panicking and rushing within what I have to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the opposite of panic by being nonchalant about my workload, and instead want to throw my hands in the air in a state of being overwhelmed, and giving up.

I commit myself to continue pacing myself in a steady and stable way that I am able to get things done with the least fuss and tension.

I commit myself to live the word PACE as a direct condition of myself as 'steady as she goes' and within this balance my work load into what is practically able to be done with the time that I have, in a stable and controlled manner, moving swiftly and steadily within every moment of breath.

I commit myself to create the space that I need within my day within living the word pace as a living expression of myself as every moment of breath, and regulating my pace as to what is needed in the moment. as a movement in my body and not a reaction in my mind.

Day 8 - Living the Words Focus and Stability (Living My Potential)

When I look at the word Focus, I see how I have at times struggled to really live this word as me, in actuality.

I have seen that me as the mind; when in a state of panic and anxiety is unable to FOCUS fully and I engage in a battle within myself of 'trying to force myself to focus'  and within this how it can be a 'living nightmare' of never actually focusing with stability and calmness, but more like a forced state that I put myself in, and then the consequence of this is 'feeling tired and lack- lustre'  and not wanting to participate in anything, because I tell myself that "I need a break, as everything is hard and exhausting."

There have been moments where I just panic, and go into an automatic mode of just getting things done, and within this I miss points and opportunities to really enjoy what I am doing.

I have also noticed as well, how it is very easy for me to convince myself that I am stressed and then worry about being stressed and unable to focus because I am in my mind creating an energetic reaction of anxiety.

I have also seen how at times I will shake my head in a form of shifting my thoughts from negative to positive, so that I am able to  complete a task, like I am literally shaking the 'bad' thoughts away and trying to replace them with good ones, in a form of suppression or avoidance.

This has become a real sticking point within me, and one where I am becoming acutely aware that if I do not get a handle on it and walk out of this pattern I will continue to create the same story over and over.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a state of panic within and as me, and within this create tension in my body, because I have been speaking negatively to myself in back chat of 'things going wrong' and looking for the worst case scenario.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the words, "don't worry about it" where I see that I have created a polarity of the negativity within me, and I might as well say "fuck it, I don't care"  instead of breathing and slowing down and embracing the moment of negatively within and as me, instead of suppressing and pushing it under the carpet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel lack lustre and tired, and then within this; after a long day at a very busy job, tell myself that I deserve to rest, but in a frustrated and anxious way of fighting for time, and hurrying in my process to get all of my chores done.

I forgive myself that I haven't/seen/realised and understood how I am in a pattern of avoidance and suppression, trying to convince myself that if I shake my head and pretend that the thoughts don't exist I will just be able to stop the anxiety and focus, without dealing with what is causing the anxiety in the first place.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see how I am creating a continued consequence within and as me of being stressed and anxious, because I am not facing the real issues of why I am stressed and anxious in the first place.  I see/realise and understand how I am in a pattern of stress because I am being hard on myself for not breathing and not slowing down and pacing myself, so that moments and are missed in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become hard on myself because I have made a mistake because I was not paying attention and within this punish myself in a form of annnoyance, rather than just changing the pattern of not paying attention in the first place.

I commit myself to be more gentle with myself and stop punishing myself as someone that is not able to FOCUS and remain STABLE, and withing this I commit myself to see/realise and understand how I am the one in complete control of who I am in every moment of breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself as punishment.  And within this embrace moments of myself where I am not clear and understanding in all that I do, because perhaps I do not have the knowledge and information within me.

I commit myself to remind myself of these facts and not allow myself to FOCUS and therefore remain stable in all that I do as a point of what I am capable of as potential.

I commit myself to live the word FOCUS as the re definition of me, of who I am in every moment, by breathing and paying attention to what I am doing without distraction, moment by moment.

I commit myself to see that if I remain FOCUSED I will be stable in all that I do, because I won't be in the mind and distracted by other things.  Therefore I commit myself to; each and everytime I see/experience myself as 'drifting off', to breathe and slow down and bring myself back here within and as myself and pay attention to what is here in each moment.

Day 7 - Overwhelmed - ness - Living the word Calm

overwhelm
əʊvəˈwɛlm/Submit
Submit

verb
past tense: overwhelmed; past participle: overwhelmed
1.
bury or drown beneath a huge mass of something, especially water.
"floodwaters overwhelmed hundreds of houses"
synonyms:
swamp, submerge, engulf, bury, deluge, flood, inundate; More
2.
have a strong emotional effect on.
"I was overwhelmed with guilt"
synonyms:
overcome, move, stir, affect, touch, impress, sweep someone off their feet, strike,stun, make emotional, dumbfound, shake, disturb, devastate, take aback, daze,spellbind, dazzle, floor, leave speechless, take someone's breath away, stagger;
informalbowl over, blow away, knock/hit for six, knock sideways, blow someone's mind, get to
"she was overwhelmed by a sense of tragedy"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an experience of being overwhelmed. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to engage in the experience of being overwhelmed, whereby I will put strain and pressure on my body, in holding myself in a state of stress.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an experience within and as me of fear and tension of being 'told off'  for not completing tasks at work effectively enough and in an adequate time frame.

I forgive myself that I haven't seen/realised and understood how I am actually compounding the problem of fear and stress within and as me by being in a point of expectation, like expecting the 'hammer to fall' so to speak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself that "I will never finish this" when looking at a task for work, and within this create an experience around it, where I am projecting myself into the future. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a state of panic and worry that I will make mistakes because I am rushing, instead of slowing myself down within and as the breath and taking my time, pacing myself and being realistic and practical about my work load, in stead of trying to please everyone and get it all done.

I commit myself to slow myself down, by taking an in breath and holding for a count of four, and then exhale, for a count of four, and repeating until I am calmer and steadier within and as myself.  

I commit myself to then look at my tasks that I have before me, and prioritise in level of urgency, I see/realise and understand how if I take control of myself within and as my breathing and slowing myself down I will be able to function better, and look at things more practically, rather than in fear and paranoia of emotions, and within this go into a form of a spin within and as myself, that results in me rushing and making mistakes.

I commit myself to replace the word OVERWHELMED within and as me with the word CALM, as a living expression of myself and within this pace myself in stability and focus. 

1. • 
     

Day 6 - Calmness

" ....indigestion - here you have to be focusing on undercurrent emotions - seeing an anxiety here in the body that is subtle but constant, a constant tension that leads your body into the experience of a "zinging" sensation - so we'd suggest having a look at being aware of the BODY in moments where it gets tensed / zingy - but your awareness has to be in the physical to notice this - here you'll become aware of these moments and be able to release by relaxing yourself and so the body, these are inherent programmed reaction patterns in the physical"  Sunette Spies ( in a conversation via Skype with me a few months ago)

The zingy-ness I can relate to, it is so subtle but now I have a word to describe it I can see/feel it.

The Zinging sensation I get is like a worse case scenario, a place within myself that is buzzing with anxiety, and within this a type of reflux is happening as a churning of my stomach and the acid in my body becoming prevalent.   A toxic imbalance from my participation in thoughts feelings and emotions over time, often times not being noticed, and accepted and allowed to be a part of me.

I have been flagging the points where this sensation comes up, and it is usually when my mind is and has been most active, and I have noticed how my thought patterns are underpinned by some kind of paranoia and fear, which,  when I dwell on such thoughts brings about an anxiety within and as me like a tightening within my body.

The above is becoming easier to spot within me, and such a state I see/realise and understand comes up when I am "unsure of my future"  where I will perhaps worry about what is to come, without seeing/realising and understanding that I have a choice here, I can worry and stress and keep myself in the moment, or I can breathe and remind myself to look for practical solutions. I have come to see that worrying doesn't change a future outcome, and infact all that I create for myself in these moments is consequence within and as my own body.

So here I will look at re defining the word Calm.

Calm is a positive word to me, rolls off my tongue, as a soothing melody, and goes along with the words peace, and serenity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go off in my mind in fear and worry about a future outcome, which is me attempting to sabotage myself as someone that has no control over the future, and within this create a fear of the 'worst case scenario' as a point of lack of self belief and trust.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to live the words 'go with the flow'  and that within this I am often looking to control the flow, without seeing/realising and understanding how I am in fact never a 'winner' in this point, because I am creating conflict within myself in these moments, that accumulate as stress within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create consequence within and as my physical body, as a form of indigestion, because I have stressed a point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to show myself as calm on the surface but be paddling like mad within myself, like the inexperienced swimmer trying to stay afloat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest the words stress/tension/worry as a point of how I experience myself physically, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget the absolute power of slowing down within and as my own breath.

I commit myself to slow myself down, and to teach myself that art of relaxation, as an art form that flows within and as me as the breath of life.

I commit myself to look at calmness within me and to notice all the subtle changes that move me as energy.  I commit myself to take these movements and introspect in the following ways:

• To ask myself, " what was I thinking/worrying about just now";
• To write out what bothers me ;
• To forgive what is bothering me and let it go; and
• To pay attention to my breath, and make sure that I am breathing slowly and that my awareness is on my breath, and not in my mind, by utilising the 4 count breath technique. 

I commit myself to live the word CALM as a living word, and to remind myself when I experience myself as worried and fearful of the future, I stop and I breathe, and I remind myself that I am the creator of this moment, of how I experience myself, and that which is best for me is to relax and look at what I can create practically, to make my experience the best that it can be.

I commit myself to remind myself that stressing and worrying about a thing/situation/person/thought/feeling/emotion is not beneficial to me or anyone, because all that will happen is that I will create consequence.

I commit myself to GO WITH THE FLOW, to allow myself to take each moment of breathe as a moment of creation, where I decide to be the creator of my reality, and within this I see/realise and understand how I will then make a decision that is practical and will be the best for me in the moment.