Tuesday 27 December 2016

Day 8 - Living the Words Focus and Stability (Living My Potential)



When I look at the word Focus, I see how I have at times struggled to really live this word as me, in actuality.

I have seen that me as the mind; when in a state of panic and anxiety is unable to FOCUS fully and I engage in a battle within myself of 'trying to force myself to focus'  and within this how it can be a 'living nightmare' of never actually focusing with stability and calmness, but more like a forced state that I put myself in, and then the consequence of this is 'feeling tired and lack- lustre'  and not wanting to participate in anything, because I tell myself that "I need a break, as everything is hard and exhausting."

There have been moments where I just panic, and go into an automatic mode of just getting things done, and within this I miss points and opportunities to really enjoy what I am doing.

I have also noticed as well, how it is very easy for me to convince myself that I am stressed and then worry about being stressed and unable to focus because I am in my mind creating an energetic reaction of anxiety.

I have also seen how at times I will shake my head in a form of shifting my thoughts from negative to positive, so that I am able to  complete a task, like I am literally shaking the 'bad' thoughts away and trying to replace them with good ones, in a form of suppression or avoidance.

This has become a real sticking point within me, and one where I am becoming acutely aware that if I do not get a handle on it and walk out of this pattern I will continue to create the same story over and over.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a state of panic within and as me, and within this create tension in my body, because I have been speaking negatively to myself in back chat of 'things going wrong' and looking for the worst case scenario.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the words, "don't worry about it" where I see that I have created a polarity of the negativity within me, and I might as well say "fuck it, I don't care"  instead of breathing and slowing down and embracing the moment of negatively within and as me, instead of suppressing and pushing it under the carpet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel lack lustre and tired, and then within this; after a long day at a very busy job, tell myself that I deserve to rest, but in a frustrated and anxious way of fighting for time, and hurrying in my process to get all of my chores done.

I forgive myself that I haven't/seen/realised and understood how I am in a pattern of avoidance and suppression, trying to convince myself that if I shake my head and pretend that the thoughts don't exist I will just be able to stop the anxiety and focus, without dealing with what is causing the anxiety in the first place.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see how I am creating a continued consequence within and as me of being stressed and anxious, because I am not facing the real issues of why I am stressed and anxious in the first place.  I see/realise and understand how I am in a pattern of stress because I am being hard on myself for not breathing and not slowing down and pacing myself, so that moments and are missed in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become hard on myself because I have made a mistake because I was not paying attention and within this punish myself in a form of annnoyance, rather than just changing the pattern of not paying attention in the first place.

I commit myself to be more gentle with myself and stop punishing myself as someone that is not able to FOCUS and remain STABLE, and withing this I commit myself to see/realise and understand how I am the one in complete control of who I am in every moment of breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself as punishment.  And within this embrace moments of myself where I am not clear and understanding in all that I do, because perhaps I do not have the knowledge and information within me.

I commit myself to remind myself of these facts and not allow myself to FOCUS and therefore remain stable in all that I do as a point of what I am capable of as potential.

I commit myself to live the word FOCUS as the re definition of me, of who I am in every moment, by breathing and paying attention to what I am doing without distraction, moment by moment.

I commit myself to see that if I remain FOCUSED I will be stable in all that I do, because I won't be in the mind and distracted by other things.  Therefore I commit myself to; each and everytime I see/experience myself as 'drifting off', to breathe and slow down and bring myself back here within and as myself and pay attention to what is here in each moment.








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